Marriage Killers Part 3 Selfishness

 "Selfishness is possibly the most dangerous threat to oneness in marriage. It affects how we talk to each other, how we divide responsibilities in the home, how we resolve conflicts, and even how we spend our time."

 

"...after they get married the true meistic individuals that were hidden behind masks of deception show up! It’s like they morph into totally different persons. The bride quickly realizes that she didn’t marry Prince Charming and the groom realizes that he didn’t marry Cinderella, but instead each one married a meistic sinner."

 

"Selfishness has many faces, all of which are ugly. Sometimes self is seen in a very bold and aggressive way when a person will verbally insist on having his or her own way. It's his way or it's no way. It's the straightforward demand of me first. Sometimes this bold demand is accompanied with a violent outburst of anger to insure its way is obtained through intimidation. Other times selfishness is very subtle. It can have the quiet face of cunning manipulation with gentle words. But in reality, it is still just a persistent pressure to work it's own will upon you. It also may be seen as that stubborn resistance to bend or compromise over even the smallest issues. When its will is not acknowledged or yielded to, there is a quiet sulking or an attitude of indifference until the other partner finally surrenders."

 

"No relationship can endure self-centeredness forever. Over time, the selfishness of sin erodes the good qualities of a relationship. Behaviors that once were tolerable become intolerable. Minor acts of selfishness grow into significantly hurtful ones. Fatigue sets in, followed by frustration and finally desperation. Healthy relationships cannot grow in an environment of selfishness. Relationships are destroyed by it."

 

 

"Considering that the average age of a couple getting married today is 27 years old, it’s not hard to surmise that both partners have had plenty of time to become very independent, self centered, meistic individuals. By the time a young man turns 27, he has been on his own for quite a few years and grown very independent.  If he doesn’t want to wash the dishes until mold grows on them, he doesn’t have to. If he wants to squeeze the toothpaste from the wrong end, leave his bed unmade, leave the toilet seat up, or purchase an expensive golf club, he can do it! He doesn’t answer to anyone but himself! He does what he wants, when he wants to do it, and how he wants to do it without anybody else telling him what to do or not to do. Such is also the case with the typical young lady getting married today. If she sees a pair of shoes that are “too cute” she buys them. If she wants to charge a new wardrobe she does. She is her own boss and does whatever she desires. Hence, when these two meistic individuals get married are they going to gloriously come together into a joyful one-flesh relationship?"

 

"…marital therapists and divorce attorneys say the breakup of long-term marriages is routine these days – for reasons of longevity, economics and cravings for happiness and self expression that were less prevalent in previous generations. People are living longer, and they’re less willing to spend their last decades with someone who leaves them unfulfilled."

 

 

 

"Self-centeredness or meism motivates a person to unconsciously set up in their mind a mental list of expectations for their spouse so that their own perceived needs will be met. When their spouse does not meet these needs they reflect the condition of their heart through agitation and even indignation at their mate. Demanding their own way, they create distance between themselves and their spouse, which if not dealt with, will often end up in divorce."

 

"My “self life” irritating your “self life”; it’s my ego irritating your ego. It’s my “self life” rubbing your “self life” the wrong way and you react against it."

 

 

"God designed marriage to be a relationship of we-ism between a man & woman & God, not a relationship of two self centered me-istic individuals!"

 

 

"Choosing to love in circumstances in which you were formerly living selfishly is the only way you will be able to forsake selfish behaviour. Forsaking is the choice to love."

 

 

"If we live our lives for ourselves, thinking only of our selfish desires and interests, in the end God gives us exactly what we want: ourselves. Marriage provides the opportunity to live life for someone else and to avoid this terrible conclusion: “All I’ve got is me."